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Leta Blake

author. human. working hard to become stellar at life.

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    • Contemporary
      • North’s Pole
      • Punching the V-Card
      • Cowboy Seeks Husband
      • Mr. Christmas
        • Mr. Frosty Pants
        • Mr. Naughty List
        • Mr. Jingle Bells
      • My December Daddy
      • Any Given Lifetime
      • Training Season
        • Training Season
        • Training Complex
      • Wake Up Married
      • Will & Patrick Wake Up Married, Episodes 1 – 3
      • Will & Patrick Wake Up Married, Eps 4 – 6
      • Will & Patrick’s Endless Honeymoon
      • Smoky Mountain Dreams
      • The River Leith
      • Vespertine
      • The Difference Between
      • Stay Lucky
      • Bring On Forever
    • Omegaverse
      • Heat of Love
        • White Heat
        • Slow Heat
        • Alpha Heat
        • Slow Birth
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        • Bitter Heat
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      • Heat for Sale
        • Heat for Sale
        • Bully for Sale
    • Fantasy
      • Raise Up, Heart
      • Gay Fairy Tales
        • Levity
        • Flight
      • Omega Mine: Search for a Soulmate
      • Any Given Lifetime
      • Angel Undone
    • New Adult
      • ’90s Universe
        • My Skin Begs You Please
        • 90’s Coming of Age
          • Pictures of You
          • You Are Not Me
          • Only You
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      • Bulletin
      • Titres autonomes
        • À l’ombre de Smoky Mountain Dreams
        • Dans n’importe quelle vie
        • La chute de l’ange
        • Le coeur ne ment pas
        • Le Retour de Leith
        • Monsieur Frosty
        • Monsieur Naughty
        • Vespéral
      • Entrainement
        • Saison d’entrainement
        • Centre d’entrainement
        • Entraînement: Intégrale
      • Passion
        • La montée de la passion: Passion #1
        • La passion de l’Alpha: Passion #2
        • Une passion amère: Passion #3
      • Se réveiller mariés
        • Will & Patrick (se réveiller mariés : épisode 1)
        • Will & Patrick rencontrent la famille ( se réveiller mariés : épisode 2)
        • Will & Patrick traversent les fêtes ( se réveiller mariés : épisode 3)
        • Will & Patrick combattent leurs sentiments ( se réveiller mariés : épisode 4)
        • Will & Patrick rencontrent la mafia: se réveiller mariés #5
        • La fin heureuse de Will & Patrick: se réveiller mariés #6
        • La lune de miel de Will & Patrick: Se réveiller mariés #7
        • Se réveiller mariés: Intégrale
      • Tentations
        • Lévitation: un conte de fées gay
        • Envol : un conte de fées gay
      • Vers la vie adulte
        • Vers la vie adulte #1
        • Vers la vie adulte #2
    • Italian
      • Notiziario
      • Titoli indipendenti
        • North’s Pole: Un pacco per Natale
        • Cowboy cerca marito
        • Vespertine : Edizione italiana
        • Smoky Mountain Dreams: Edizione italiana
        • In ogni singola vita
        • Un uomo fortunato
        • Un fiume in piena
        • Le Differenze
        • ANGELO IMPERFETTO
        • La leggerezza del principe
        • Rise: Una favola gay
      • ’90s Coming of Age – Versione italiana
        • Ritratti Di Te (’90s Coming of Age Vol. 1)
        • Tu non sei me (’90s Coming of Age Vol. 2)
      • Calore d’Amore
        • Slow Heat: Calore Inatteso
        • Calore Proibito
        • Calore Amaro
      • Calore in vendita
        • Calore in vendita
      • Home for the Holidays – Versione italiana
        • Cuore di ghiaccio (Home for the Holidays Vol. 1)
        • La lista dei cattivi (Home for the Holidays Vol.2)
      • La stagione dell’allenamento
        • Training Season: La stagione dell’allenamento
        • Training Complex: Il complesso dell’allenatore
      • Svegliarsi sposati
        • Svegliarsi sposati (Wake Up Married Vol. 1)
        • Svegliarsi sposati 2 & 3: Will e Patrick incontrano la famiglia (Wake Up Married 2 & 3)
        • Svegliarsi sposati 4 & 5: Will e Patrick combattono i loro sentimenti – Will e Patrick incontrano la mafia (Wake Up Married 4& 5)
        • Svegliarsi sposati: Il lieto fine di Will e Patrick – La luna di miele infinita di Will e Patrick (Vol 6 & 7) (Wake up married)
    • German
      • Die einbändige
        • Auch in diesem Leben
        • Das Herz findet immer einen Weg
        • Heat for Sale – Deutsche
        • Mr Frosty Pants (German)
        • Mr. Naughty List (German)
        • Smoky Mountain Dreams – Deutsche Version
        • Stay Lucky– Deutsche
        • Vespertine: Der Priester und der Rockstar
      • In der Hitze der Liebe
        • Langsame Hitze
        • Alpha-Hitze
        • Langsame Geburt
        • Bittere Hitze
      • Training Season – Deutsche Version
        • Training Season – Deutsche
        • Training Complex – Deutsche
      • Überraschend … verheiratet!
        • Überraschend … verheiratet! (Wake up Married 1)
        • Überraschend … verliebt! (Wake up Married 2)
        • Will & Patrick: Endlose Flitterwochen: Wake up Married Bonusstory
      • Newsletter
    • Spanish
      • Sueños en las Montañas Humeantes
  • About

free

10 Free Paperbacks of This Charming Man by Ajax Bell #comegetit #free

December 5, 2014 by Leta

Enter to win!

Ten paperback copies of this warm, funny story that captures perfectly a club hopping young man in 1990s Seattle trying to turn his life around after he falls for a cosmopolitan older man who lives in a different world.

This Charming Man is an adult contemporary gay lit story, with a strong love story and elements of a coming-of-age story.

Click through and scroll down to enter to win!

Goodreads | This Charming Man A Queen City Boys Book by Ajax Bell — Reviews, Discussion, Bookclubs, Lists.

 

WILL SEATTLE MAKE A MAN OF HIM YET? It’s 1991 and Steven Frazier has danced away half a decade in the Seattle club scene with his beautiful-but-poisonous best friend, Adrian. Two glittering princes against the world, too high above life to care about what they might be missing. But everything changes when a chance meeting with older—not to mention handsome—businessman John Pieters, reveals a cosmopolitan world and possible futures Steven’s never considered. Flashy club clothes won’t impress John, this charming man who knows so much about many things. Motivated by fantasies inspired by his crush on John, can Steven finally fight Adrian’s sick hold? As he steps out into the larger world, supported by new friends, Steven must prove to John—and to himself—that he’s not a hedonistic rhinestone club kid, but a true diamond in the rough. CLICK TO GO TO AMAZON TO BUY!
WILL SEATTLE MAKE A MAN OF HIM YET?
It’s 1991 and Steven Frazier has danced away half a decade in the Seattle club scene with his beautiful-but-poisonous best friend, Adrian. Two glittering princes against the world, too high above life to care about what they might be missing.
But everything changes when a chance meeting with older—not to mention handsome—businessman John Pieters, reveals a cosmopolitan world and possible futures Steven’s never considered.
Flashy club clothes won’t impress John, this charming man who knows so much about many things. Motivated by fantasies inspired by his crush on John, can Steven finally fight Adrian’s sick hold?
As he steps out into the larger world, supported by new friends, Steven must prove to John—and to himself—that he’s not a hedonistic rhinestone club kid, but a true diamond in the rough.
CLICK TO GO TO AMAZON TO BUY!

Filed Under: books, free, Gay, LGBT

10 Free Paperback Copies of This Charming Man by Ajax Bell #gay #seattle #1990s

November 18, 2014 by Leta

“Ten paperback copies of this warm, funny story that captures perfectly a club hopping young man in 1990s Seattle trying to turn his life around after he falls for a cosmopolitan older man who lives in a different world.This Charming Man is an adult contemporary gay lit story, with a strong love story and elements of a coming-of-age story.”

via Goodreads | This Charming Man A Queen City Boys Book by Ajax Bell — Reviews, Discussion, Bookclubs, Lists

Run, don’t walk to win a copy of Ajax Bell’s wonderful new book!

WILL SEATTLE MAKE A MAN OF HIM YET?


It’s 1991 and Steven Frazier has danced away half a decade in the Seattle club scene with his beautiful-but-poisonous best friend, Adrian.

Two glittering princes against the world, too high above life to care about what they might be missing. But everything changes when a chance meeting with older—not to mention handsome—businessman John Pieters, reveals a cosmopolitan world and possible futures Steven’s never considered.

Flashy club clothes won’t impress John, this charming man who knows so much about many things. Motivated by fantasies inspired by his crush on John, can Steven finally fight Adrian’s sick hold?

As he steps out into the larger world, supported by new friends, Steven must prove to John—and to himself—that he’s not a hedonistic rhinestone club kid, but a true diamond in the rough.

Filed Under: books, free

“Do you think it’s bad luck to talk about what sort of master we’d like?” A Superior Slave Excerpt #mmromance #amreading

October 2, 2014 by Leta

A FREE prequel to the awesome Ganymede Quartet series!
A FREE prequel to the awesome Ganymede Quartet series!

Martin of House Ganymede, trained as a companion slave, is eager for a master of his own. Everything he’s done in his short life has been to prepare him for auction day, and now all that waits is to be chosen. In being sold, he’ll be separated from the boys he’s lived and trained with his entire life, and it’s possible he won’t see them ever again. Goodbyes are hurried and emotions are raw as the slaves go on display for prospective masters. Martin has ideas about what he’d like in a master, though of course he’ll have no say in who will buy him. When he meets tall, handsome Henry Blackwell, he’s found the one he wants, but does this shy master want him?

A Superior Slave is a prequel introducing the books of the Ganymede Quartet, a fantasy of Gilded Age New York in which young men from the richest families form intense bonds with the slaves who serve them.

 

BUY LINKS:

Smashwords

B&N

Amazon (.99 — they haven’t price-matched despite efforts!)

Excerpt:

Charlie, who was a notoriously fast eater, finished his sandwich and said, “Do you think it’s bad luck to talk about what sort of master we’d like?”

“Yes,” Noah said firmly.

“No,” Georgie said at the same time. “What do you want, Charlie?”

Charlie thought about it a moment. “I just hope he isn’t actually ugly. Hideous, I mean. It would be nice if he was handsome, but we’ve been warned so often that most masters aren’t that I’m pretty well reconciled to my master being homely.”

“I hope he’s clean,” Stuart said, making a face. “We all keep so clean for each other, but I don’t imagine free boys even think of such things.”

They all contemplated gamy cocks for a minute, noses wrinkled in distaste.

Georgie said, “I just hope he’s not a mean little bastard. I don’t want one who’ll be bossing me around for no other reason except he can.”

“Yes, I want a kind master,” Charlie agreed. “A nice boy, more or less. He doesn’t have to be an angel or anything, but a decent guy. That’s what I want.”

Noah cleared his throat self-consciously. “Not too fat.”

They all looked at him.

Noah blushed. “I don’t want some great huge boy squashing me,” he said, sounding somewhat defensive.

“Well, of course not.” Georgie put his hand on Noah’s arm and gave him a reassuring squeeze. “No one wants that.”

“In that case, you get on top and ride him,” Stuart pointed out. “Let him just relax and enjoy you, and no one gets squashed.”

“It would be nice if he wasn’t terrible at sex,” Charlie said. “I know I’ll have to teach him everything, but I hope he’ll learn. I hope he’ll listen to me.”

Martin thought the things his friends hoped for were very reasonable, very modest. He did not want to share his hopes because they were not reasonable at all. He wanted a handsome master, kind and affectionate, who’d touch him like a lover and treat him like a friend, and these wishes were desperately, unrealistically romantic. He’d been taught as much at Ganymede and it had been made very clear: his master would be an ordinary boy with an extraordinary bank account, and he would be under no obligation to think of his slave as a person.

Filed Under: books, ebook, ebooks, free, Reading, Reviews, romance, stories Tagged With: ganymede quartet, gilded age, house ganymede, new york city, slave fantasy, slaves

free ebook: A Superior Slave Ganymede Quartet Book 0.5 | @Darrah_Glass #mmromance #gay

September 17, 2014 by Leta

“I’m pleased to share the first story in the Ganymede Quartet, a gay coming-of-age historical fantasy. The fantasy aspect involves a version of Gilded Age New York City that is quite recognizable except that slavery exists in a form that differs in significant ways from historical slavery.

There are four books in the main series thus Quartet and there will be several side stories in addition to this one. While this is not required reading to enjoy the series, it’s FREE, and it offers an in-depth introduction to one of the main characters.”

via free ebook: A Superior Slave Ganymede Quartet Book 0.5 | Darrah Glass.

I beta read the books in the series and absolutely loved them! The entire series is one of my all-time favorite reading experiences. I adore Darrah’s writing style and her characters! The depth of emotion that I felt in just reading this short, the loss, the excitement and anticipation, the anxiety for the outcome were overwhelming. It was intense and delightful. In this free short book, you get to meet Martin, the slave who goes forward into the rest of the four main books. It’s available for FREE on Smashwords and for .99 on Amazon. (Hopefully it will be free on Amazon before long too, too. But unfortunately Amazon hasn’t price-matched yet.) Coming soon to Barnes & Noble, iTunes, and more.

BUY LINKS:

Amazon

Smashwords

PRE-ORDER THE FIRST FULL-LENGTH BOOK OF THE SERIES! A MOST PERSONAL PROPERTY! ON AMAZON!

Filed Under: ebooks, free, Gay, Ranching, romance Tagged With: .99 book, a superior slave, darrah glass, ebook, fantasy, historical fantasy, reads, slave, slave fantasy

A Superior Slave – Snippet from an Upcoming Free Book by @Darrah_Glass #mmromance #historicalfantasy

September 13, 2014 by Leta

So, basically, Darrah Glass has written an amazing book series, and recently, after some discussion, decided to write a short, free story to introduce the world of the series. This short book is called A Superior Slave and should be available very soon, definitely by the end of the month at the very latest. And, again, it will be FREE. But, in the meantime, Darrah has posted a small snippet that should give you some idea of what to expect. Gah, I love this series so much. You will too!

***

 

This is from A SUPERIOR SLAVE, a prequel I wrote as an introduction to the universe of the GANYMEDE QUARTET. The prequel and the first book are to be released imminently. Anyway, this is 6 lines from page 24:

Martin thought the things his friends hoped for were very reasonable, very modest. He did not want to share his hopes because they were not reasonable at all. He wanted a handsome master, kind and affectionate, who’d touch him like a lover and treat him like a friend, and these wishes were desperately, unrealistically romantic. He’d been taught as much at Ganymede and it had been made very clear: his master would be an ordinary boy with an extraordinary bank account, and he would be under no obligation to think of his slave as a person.

SOURCE: Darrah’s Facebook

***

I tried to find some nice, old, Victorian photos to go with this post, since Darrah’s books reflect a fantasy, sexy, slave-y alternate history at the dawn of the Gilded Age. These all came from mydaguerrotypeboyfriend.

Artist Heinrich Vogeler, circa 1895, age 23.

Winston Churchill was a hot little twink. Dayum. Age 21, in his officer’s uniform, looking like a delicious thing. Unf.
Émile Nelligan, age 20 in 1899. First published at 16, this French-Canadian poet suffered a mental breakdown the same year this photograph was taken. He never recovered.

 

Filed Under: books, ebook, ebooks, free, Gay, Photos, Reading Tagged With: a superior slave, alternate history, daguerrotype, darrah glass, downton abbey, downtown abbey with slaves, free books, ganymede quartet, gay, gay books, gay romance, mmromance, mydaguerrotypeboyfriend, romance, slave, slave fiction, slave story, victorian

Flash Fiction: The Running Zachariah Meets The River Leith #mmromance #extras

July 8, 2014 by Leta

Flash Fiction

The Running Zachariah Meets The River Leith

 

New York City was far enough from Louisville that Zach felt safe. He’d run far, far, far away from home years ago, traveling the world with his job on a cruise ship for years, and he never intended to go back. Now it was time to put down some roots, though. And if he didn’t like the roots he put down, he’d just tear them up and run off again. After all, running far away from places and things that hurt him was what he did best. But, in the meantime, he needed a place to crash.

Park Slope was baby-land from what he could tell by the number of strollers and actual children running, laughing, and hopscotching up and down 7th Street, but he didn’t mind. He liked kids. If life worked out the way he hoped, he might even have one someday. He’d enjoy showing a child the world, holding their hand by the Eiffel Tower, or throwing them in the air in the Riveria sun. He’d never, ever hit them or tell them they were shameful or make them want to run away from home forever.

Dismissing memories of his grandmother’s belt and his mother’s hateful words, he jogged across 5th Ave and hooked a right. He glanced down at the paper in his hand, double checking the address. Yes, he was on the right street now. He grinned at a little Asian girl on a tricycle, and nodded toward her German-looking nanny while hunting for the building number on the doors. The one he was hunting for was nice enough, with windows that jutted out toward the leafy green of a nice-sized tree.

He folded the paper carefully and squinted up at the apartments above the bar below. Then he looked around, taking in the prime location—close to the subway, the shops of 5th just down a block, and the shops of 7th Ave just a little further upslope. It was perfect. Now, he just needed to make them like him. He was good at that. He could be charming and sweet, loving and open, and they’d like him. Well, so long as they never saw the dark spots his family had left on his heart, anyway. He could hide his wounds. He was almost as good at that as he was at running when someone got close enough to spot them.

And, really, all that mattered was that they liked him for just long enough anyway. He could leave again. There was always Italy, or California, or Alaska. There was always somewhere to escape to and a way to forget if things here went bad.

The doorbell chimed and Zach sucked in his breath, stunned at the sight of the sweaty, flushed, goddamn-gorgeous man who answered: blond hair, hazel eyes, and a body to fall to his knees for. All displayed beautifully in a white sleeveless t-shirt and jogging shorts. “Hey, yeah. Can I help you?”

“Hello,” Zach said, sticking out his hand and telling himself to pretend he was vlogging. He could do anything and say anything if he was vlogging. He could be real without having to suffer for it. It was a good trick he’d learned over the last few years. “I’m Zachariah Stevens. I’m here for the extra room?”

“Oh. Right.” The guy took his hand and they stared into each other’s eyes. A handshake failed to form and the touch turned into an awkward almost-hand-holding clench that morphed into further weirdness, until the guy jerked his hand back. “I’m Leith.”

“Nice to meet you, Leith. Been out running?” Zach asked, gesturing at his sweaty state when Leith looked confused.

“Yeah. In training.”

“For a marathon?”

“No. I box.”

“Oh.” Well, that explained those muscles and his tough-guy look. Zach’s knees went a little weak.

“Uh, come in. The girls are upstairs.”

Zach followed him up the stairs to the apartment, his eyes on Leith’s firm, muscular ass, and he shivered. A hot, boxer roommate? Oh, hell, yes, this could be a good place to live for a while. How much fun could he have seducing the guy? And if by some miracle things actually got real between them? Well, that’d be awesome for as long as it lasted.

And if things turned bad? Well….

Leith looked over his shoulder at Zach, his hazel eyes confused, as though wrestling with something down deep inside. “The room’s kind of small.”

“That’s fine. I don’t have a lot of things. I travel a lot. I don’t keep much to hold me back.”

“You gonna travel a lot while you’re living here?” Leith turned and took the next flight up to the third floor.

“No. I’m sticking around for a while. Trying to build a real life for a change. It’s an experiment.”

Leith stopped on the landing and waited for Zach to join him. “You’ve got a job?”

“Of course.”

Leith gazed at him and the air between them seemed to thicken. Zach nearly took a step forward into the space separating them, but held back. Get the room first. Then see what happens.

“A real job?”

“Do I look like a vagrant or something?” Zach laughed. He was wearing jeans, sure, but they were expensive jeans and he knew he looked nice.

“Uh, no. You look….” Leith swallowed. “Like you’ve got a job. But, you know how it is. You can’t be too careful. We’ll check your references.”

“Of course. And, to answer your question, yes, I have a real job.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. Well, come in and meet the girls.” Leith keyed open the door. “It’s up to them if you get the room, anyway.”

Zach followed him into the small but clean apartment. The sofa wasn’t new but it’d obviously been quite nice once. The throw on the loveseat matched nicely, and the tv was big, but there were a lot of books stacked around, too. Always a good sign.

Leith clapped him on the shoulder as he called out, “Marian! Ava! A guy’s here for the room.”

His hand was warm and stayed just a moment too long. Zach shivered. Yes, this could be nice and if things didn’t work out here, he could always go. He’d made a career out of leaving.

Leith smiled at him, his eyes crinkling at the edges. “Would you like some water while they grill you?”

“Sure.” Zach licked his lips. “Thanks.”

But maybe, if he was lucky, he might find a reason to stay.

 

***

The above is a prequel sort of flash fiction set three years before the start of my book The River Leith.

Memory is everything. After an injury in the ring, amateur boxer Leith Wenz wakes to discover his most recent memories are three years out of date. Unmoored and struggling to face his new reality, Leith must cope anew with painful revelations about his family. His brother is there to support him, but it’s the unfamiliar face of Zach, a man introduced as his best friend, that provides the calm he craves. Until Zach’s presence begins to stir up feelings Leith can’t explain. For Zach, being forgotten by his lover is excruciating. He carefully hides the truth from Leith to protect them both from additional pain. His bottled-up turmoil finds release through vlogging, where he confesses his fears and grief to the faceless Internet. But after Leith begins to open up to him, Zach's choices may come back to haunt him. Ultimately, Leith must ask his heart the questions memory can no longer answer.
Memory is everything.
After an injury in the ring, amateur boxer Leith Wenz wakes to discover his most recent memories are three years out of date. Unmoored and struggling to face his new reality, Leith must cope anew with painful revelations about his family. His brother is there to support him, but it’s the unfamiliar face of Zach, a man introduced as his best friend, that provides the calm he craves. Until Zach’s presence begins to stir up feelings Leith can’t explain.
For Zach, being forgotten by his lover is excruciating. He carefully hides the truth from Leith to protect them both from additional pain. His bottled-up turmoil finds release through vlogging, where he confesses his fears and grief to the faceless Internet. But after Leith begins to open up to him, Zach’s choices may come back to haunt him.
Ultimately, Leith must ask his heart the questions memory can no longer answer.

 

Filed Under: books, free, Gay, romance, stories, writing Tagged With: extra, extras, flash fiction, leith, park slope, prequel, the river leith, the running zachariah meets the river leith, zach, zachariah

Guest Post and Giveaway: The River Leith by Leta Blake #gay #mmromance

June 12, 2014 by Leta

“Today I am so pleased to welcome Leta Blake to Joyfully Jay. Leta has come to talk to us about her latest release, The River Leith.  I reviewed this book last week and totally adored it.  She has also brought along a copy of the book to give away!  Please join me in giving Leta big welcome!”

Please click on through to comment for a chance at the giveaway –> Guest Post and Giveaway: The River Leith by Leta Blake — Joyfully Jay.

Filed Under: books, ebook, ebooks, free, Gay, LGBT, Reading, romance

Five Free Copies of The River Leith at The Romance Reviews! #mmromance #gay #ebook

May 26, 2014 by Leta

Head on over to The Romance Reviews and participate in the contest for five free copies of The River Leith!

A sample of what some readers are saying about The River Leith:

“The River Leith is a delight: devastating, hopeful, sexy, romantic, and true.” — I’m With Geek Reviews

“I love Leta Blake’s writing. It’s so smooth and flowing. The River Leith is a very real book. Don’t expect any magical solutions or convenient plot turns. This is the story of two people who manage to find their way back to each other despite all odds being stacked against them. I highly recommend this book! ” – Rainbow Gold Reviews

“Elegant story-telling. I couldn’t put this one down. As would be expected with a story about a man with amnesia, there’s a lot of introspection and revisits to the past, yet it never once felt like the story had stagnated. In fact, the pace was so right, measured. Loved every word.” — Lane Swift, Goodreads

CLICK HERE to participate in the contest to win a copy! Five copies to give away!

Last day to enter is June 09, 2014!

Memory is everything. After an injury in the ring, amateur boxer Leith Wenz wakes to discover his most recent memories are three years out of date. Unmoored and struggling to face his new reality, Leith must cope anew with painful revelations about his family. His brother is there to support him, but it’s the unfamiliar face of Zach, a man introduced as his best friend, that provides the calm he craves. Until Zach’s presence begins to stir up feelings Leith can’t explain. For Zach, being forgotten by his lover is excruciating. He carefully hides the truth from Leith to protect them both from additional pain. His bottled-up turmoil finds release through vlogging, where he confesses his fears and grief to the faceless Internet. But after Leith begins to open up to him, Zach's choices may come back to haunt him. Ultimately, Leith must ask his heart the questions memory can no longer answer.
Memory is everything.
After an injury in the ring, amateur boxer Leith Wenz wakes to discover his most recent memories are three years out of date. Unmoored and struggling to face his new reality, Leith must cope anew with painful revelations about his family. His brother is there to support him, but it’s the unfamiliar face of Zach, a man introduced as his best friend, that provides the calm he craves. Until Zach’s presence begins to stir up feelings Leith can’t explain.
For Zach, being forgotten by his lover is excruciating. He carefully hides the truth from Leith to protect them both from additional pain. His bottled-up turmoil finds release through vlogging, where he confesses his fears and grief to the faceless Internet. But after Leith begins to open up to him, Zach’s choices may come back to haunt him.
Ultimately, Leith must ask his heart the questions memory can no longer answer.

Filed Under: books, ebooks, free, Gay, LGBT, Reading Tagged With: amnesia, boxer, gay, gay romance, goodreads, i'm with geek, lane swift, leith, mmromance, rainbow gold reviews, romance, the river leith, the romance reviews, vlogger, zach

Growing My Leg Hair Out For Self-Esteem #feminism #shaving #rosacea

February 16, 2014 by Leta

I wanted to write about some of my deep thoughts on make-up and simply don’t have the brain power for it today. It’s all convoluted and involves all kinds of connected topics such as trans*women, the covering up of “blemishes” or scars, and my own experience with a changing face.

Aw, hell, let’s try for it anyway. Okay, here we go.

Basically, I wanted to talk about what’s real and what’s “not real” and ask us all to ponder some questions about that distinction. Let’s talk about me and my rosacea for a moment. A few months back, I realized that when I manage to successfully cover the redness up with make-up, I felt better about going out in public. I felt less ashamed to be seen and more secure. When I got stared at, I thought to myself, “Today they’re looking at me because they think I’m attractive, not because I look like a splotchy-faced clown.”

However, I also found myself dismissing these stares and any compliments on my appearance because I didn’t feel like it was “real”. I found myself thinking things like, “If they only knew how bad my skin really looks under this make-up, they wouldn’t be saying that.” So, that led me to wonder how make-up does or does not play into a trans*woman’s experience of feeling “real”. And what does it mean to women in general if they’re taught to feel most attractive by applying something foreign to the base version of the “real” them? 

BUT those thoughts are a month or so old now and while they still apply, another experience has interceded and changed the flavor of them. In the last month, I’ve decided/realized a few important things:

a) due to her genes, my daughter is likely to have pretty severe acne in her teenage years. Her father had it and, physically, she is his mini-me. I realized that would be hard on her at that vulnerable time in her life, and in a massive, huge, wow-life-changing epiphany, I realized I didn’t want to model for her an obsession with my own skin. I didn’t want her to see me fretting about how it looked, or feeling ashamed of it, or complaining that I felt unattractive. Which, I’m ashamed to admit, she definitely has overheard many times in the past. I wanted to start modeling a behavior for her that makes it known that what her face looks like is so much less important than WHO SHE IS. So, I’ve stopped talking about my face. Ever.

Picture (not me!) from Razor Free Inspiration.

b) I decided on a whim to not shave my legs again until the hair has entirely grown out. I realized that I’ll be forty this year and I’ve never really seen my body as it naturally looks because I’ve spent my entire life, since I was nine years old and started puberty early, shaving and making it out like my body is something that needs fixed.

When my eight year old started asking when she could shave and I found myself struggling to explain why she couldn’t yet and what exactly “you don’t need to” means (because who NEEDS to? we aren’t going to die if we don’t shave) I chose to do this “no more shaving” experiment. I’ll cop to the fact that I am still shaving my armpits because I don’t like how hair feels under there. I let it grow pretty long but it was bugging me, so I shaved it. My leg hair is not bugging me, though, so I’m going to keep letting it grow.

I might shave again when I’m done and I might not. It all depends on how I feel at that time and if it’s something that I want to do. I admit I’ll probably want to shave for bathing suit season. The social issues alone are something I’m not sure I want to deal with, but I’ll need to give that some thought, too. 

c) By choosing to not talk about my face, or allow myself to even act like the rosacea is bothering me, and by choosing to let my body be natural in terms of the hair on my legs, I’ve discovered that I am much more interested in who I AM than in what I look like. And that realization has made me see how many years and how many hours I’ve lost being distracted with concerns about what I look like. I can’t fathom that men lose even a quarter as much time on that same question. The requirements for men are so much less time consuming and don’t boil down to these tiny nuances like the shape of their eyebrows or if their pubes are properly trimmed. When my husband wants to go swimming, he puts on a bathing suit and goes. When I want to go swimming, I have to tame a forest first. It’s exhausting and, frankly, makes me say no to swimming a lot more often than it makes me say yes. 

Since I’ve stopped focusing on my rosacea and stopped shaving, my husband’s sexual interest in me doesn’t seem to have waned and may have even grown. Not because he gets off on hairy legs (which would be fine, but he doesn’t), but because I think I’m a lot less anxious and a lot more willing to just let it all go in the moment, which is, of course, a lot more fun all around. No more, “Sorry, I didn’t shave….” comments. Or turn-off conversations consisting of, “Why is my face so bad? I didn’t eat any corn. It’s so ugly.” Instead, it’s just me being me and me not apologizing for stupid shit like hairy legs.

So, yeah, so far it’s all been a big success and while I can’t say that I feel awesome about how I LOOK, what I can say is that I think about how I look a lot less, and that’s AWESOME.

If I have the inner strength not to shave and wear what I want…I have the strength and mental fortitude to do anything – L Kaur

Filed Under: Fashion, Feminism, free, How to be a better person, LGBT, Parenthood, Trans* Tagged With: feminism, how I look doesn't matter, leg hair on women, no more shaving, not how i look, not shaving, rosacea, sexy, shaving, who i am

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